Monday, November 29, 2004
Frustrated.
Exasperated.
Silly.
Adrenaline rush.
Tingly stomach.
Smile to myself.
That's how Chow makes me feel.
Hmmm.
1:30 AM
Sunday, November 28, 2004
I was just pondering over
what is the underlying msg
when someone says "I miss you".
At least, to me.
And you know what,
that's probably when
some barricades arises in their lives.
Or they just need someone to
pour out their troubles to.
Other than that,
what else is belle used for?
Oh, I know.
When they want someone to help them
accomplish a certain task.
Anything else?
Ahh, to accompany them to do whatever,
even if I don't want to.
Why? Because I can never decline.
I'm one
fucking idiot
who can't seem to say no.
Yeah.
Just make fucking good use of me.
Before I leave.
Oh wait,
I'm leaving tomorrow!
I'll give all of you a few more hours.
My flight's at 8.
Make fucking good use of my remains.
8:55 PM
I'll be leaving tomorrow.
Abandoning everything here.
That's what I need.
The remedy to depression.
At least I hope it is.
Oh, wait.
Nobody even knew I was sucked into depression.
The advantages of charades.
Well, I've had enough.
I've barely been home the past few days.
And these nights out made me realise
how much I'll miss my friends,
with or without a particular punctuation.
If you get my drift.
Regardless of which,
I'll unquestionably miss them all.
I leave because I don't belong.
and leaving was never ephemeral.
8:32 PM
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
I want to erase our history.
obliterate our yesterdays.
albeit knowing they will be missed.
I'd rather not see a picture
where my intangibility reigns
and my significance diminished.
I still bleed from the wound you inflicted,
while your happiness proliferates without me.
I'm done.
We're through.
All else is a charade.
You annihilated everything.
Everything I've done for you.
You make me realise
the accentuation of my stupidity.
To forgive and forget,
is nothing but unflawed gibberish.
I'll always remember.
11:49 AM
Monday, November 22, 2004
I just punched a scar
which would be gravely etched
on my brother's childhood.
Asking him where is his respect
is just utter bullshit.
Respect is to be earned,
and I don't deserve it at all.
He hates me.
Why do I inflict wounds
which I'd be remorseful about?
I hate the world,
only because I can never love myself.
I just wanna disappear.
Forever.
11:31 PM
Sunday, November 21, 2004
I abhor those who don't know me
and those who think they do.
Wait,
doesn't that make everyone?
Well, almost.
I'm done with the world,
as much as it's done with me.
belle shall dissipate.
Goodbye.
1:40 PM
Saturday, November 20, 2004
Albeit the horrid day,
she made melancholy fade away.
:)
11:36 PM
Good question.
Who the fuck is "sem" ?
Whoever you are,
You're not welcomed here.
Especially not when you're
personifying Semiramis.
Fuck off, if you don't mind.
And if you do,
just rot in your damned hole.
I hate my world today.
10:17 PM
Your empty promises
Led to our demise
And I could never tell you how I really feel
and for that I eternally apologize
I hope you never forget the tapping at your window
With the harsh cold and the jealousy
running through my bones
We were both selfish, but I think I was more
My empty promises
Your empty promises
Brought us to an end
I just hurt you and I never looked back
now I have no logic to defend
I would like to thank you, for showing me
A part of myself that I have never seen
Yeah, we were young and dumb, but it still was fun
And I guess these things just tend to fall apart
I would like to thank you, for showing me
A part of the world that I have never seen
Yeah, I was young and dumb, but it still was fun
I'm forever indebted to you
I hope you feel the same
You seem like such a big part
Of my life and my heart
1:09 AM
Thursday, November 18, 2004
I can't hold the tears
back much longer.
I know I'm going to cry.
How come it hurts so much,
although I've already expected
the issue to end this way?
I thought I was ready,
but guess not.
Fuck.
I don't wanna go for my paper tmr.
It just had to end today.
It just had to.
I hate.
11:00 PM
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
2 people.
I don't wanna have interaction with.
Not now at least.
Despite their importance.
1:13 PM
Monday, November 15, 2004
You will always be
the one that I adore.
Mean so much to me,
but dreams you were before.
It's you, emily
that makes me write this song.
Your eyes are open wide
but still so much to see.
All that's new to you,
seems so old to me.
Now I'm far away,
a minute seems so long
I'm longing to hold you,
feel you in my arms.
Never let you go,
far from me for long.
Girl, I promise you
My feelings are so strong.
If only you could
read whats on my mind
See right through my eyes
You'd sooner realise
It's just another day without you
It's just another day that I'm not there
I'm gonna find a way to be so close to you
You gotta know how much I care
It's just another day without you
It's just another day that I'm not there
I'm gonna give my love, my heart, my soul to you
All this I give to you, I swear.
This song never fails to make me cry.
10:26 PM
Sunday, November 14, 2004
forget all the hurt,
erase our bad history.
tears won't stop falling,
help bury this agony.
I'm begging you please.
I'm in pain.
I hate tears.
I don't want to cry.
Not anymore.
1:25 AM
Don't care 'bout what I said
Just care 'bout what I've done
though lots of trust is gone
You're still the only one
Don't dare to hope for much
I'm doing the best I can
I take it as it comes when it comes
It's like you and I don't even try to get along
Like the two of us together are wrong
It's like you and I can't let the good make up for the bad
Guess we can't go back to what we once had
Don't care 'bout what I said
Just care 'bout what I've done
Though years have come and gone
You know you're still the one
I love what's left of you
and miss what now is gone
Guess the only thing we've done is moved on
1:19 AM
Everyone of us owns a different pair of eyes,
our visions may not be what others see.
For all of us hold different perspectives.
And when it clashes,
do we compromise or go headstrong?
do we fight for our rights,
or respect the views and beliefs of others?
What's right and what's wrong?
Assumptions are all hypothetical
unless substantiated.
But what if even facts are dubious,
where does that leave authenticity?
What if all these years of education
is just another pseudo of life?
History may be a propaganda we're learning.
What do I know anyway?
I'm insignificant amongst significance.
The tragedies of life lies in doubts.
1:09 AM
Friday, November 12, 2004
I just want to feel significant to you.
I don't know what to say anymore.
Too many thoughts are processing
that it is jumbled up to an empty blank.
A myriad of thoughts that are
caught in the middle of surging out,
stuck and throbbing against my chest.
The unrelenting agony of staying in my head
and refusing to let my thoughts through.
killing me softly.
Yes, I'm dumb, silly, stupid.
Tears just won't stop falling.
Belle's a useless bum.
11:37 PM
Thursday, November 11, 2004
I really miss you.
Too much. :(
11:25 PM
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
This is queer.
I can't believe I'm gonna say this,
but I've got to admit that
well, Sean's rather okay to talk to.
Quite nice actually.
But there's just a barricade.
And I ain't capable of annihilating it.
At least, not yet.
11:27 PM
One of God's greatest gifts is Forgiveness.
Irrefutably.
Being at the zenith of angst
perhaps aint exactly a bad thing afterall.
Especially when a realisation strikes you.
I was just pondering how'd life be like
if I hadn't let go and gotten over
the issues that had affected me a lot then.
The life we go through is meticulously planned
in such a way that there is an equilibrium
in the reaps of benefits and losses.
For that, I'm grateful in a way.
Perhaps I'd learn how to overcome and embrace
the defects of the path that I've chosen.
Afterall,
The aftertaste of failure doesn't remain bitter,
but metamorphoses into satisfying sweetness.
Especially after everything is back well again.
Another equilibrium in life.
You never stay in the abyss,
unless you allow yourself to.
Life would bring you back to your peak,
as long as you work alongside with it.
Life is filled with setbacks
so that one would not be too complacent.
At least that's what I think.
Now that my anger has subsided,
the entry prior to this,
as you should know, is angst-driven.
The words does not hold authencity,
at least not that harsh? Heh.
4:41 PM
I think I'll relinquish for awhile.
The intermittent (now constant) change of plans
that you made is going slightly over the limit.
I can't always accomodate to whatever
you've suddenly decided on.
I've been wasting my time specially going down
to places that I need not go in the first place,
and getting ready to head out
but am left stuck at home in the end.
You can so easily change your mind on
the plans that we've made,
and just do something else just to your liking.
Where do I stand, then?
I'm never taken into consideration, am I?
Wanna know what's the paradox in this story?
You advised me in dealing with those who take me for granted,
and it turns out, you're one of them as well.
Go enjoy yourself without me.
10:23 AM
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
Wanqi asked what happened to me.
Good question.
I'm left baffled by it.
I have no clue what happened to me either.
I have no recollection of who I was in the past.
Or maybe I can't bother to remember.
I can't trace back my steps,
nor chase back every second that I've lost.
I miss it though, very much.
Hah, and thank you wanqi,
for dubbing me an intellectual snob.
sheesh and cheese. :|
11:57 PM
We're existing two worlds,
no longer one.
Forever is just a sham,
It's over and done.
1:36 PM
I feel my parents anguish
when they see my reflection in others' eyes.
I endure the contempting chagrin
when I'm condemned because of my veneer.
I grapple with desolation
as despondency rubs its hand in glee.
Never satiable enough,
is the essence that infuses me.
1:07 PM
Sunday, November 07, 2004
I'm overwrought of being taken for granted.
I had a bellyfull of it,
and I'm done.
Nice, I don't wanna be anymore.
Just fuck off, okay?
(rhetorical question, by the way)
1:24 AM
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
Curtains of dew pelted from the heavens,
sending a blessing down to this errant world.
On angels' wings you were gently cradled,
in kaleidoscopic shafts meticulously furled.
That's how impeccably you entered my life,
radiating love in every edge of me.
inundating me with a myriad of rapture,
a mirth that no one else can possibly give.
Notwithstanding the 5 years of turbulence,
regardless of our intermittent rain.
Despite the episodes of anguish we've suffered,
I'll still be with you, all the same.
I'm only completed when you're with me,
I will always love you, come what may.
To the love of my life,
Happy 16th Birthday.
I love you, Sem.
very much. :)
7:23 PM
